Vaccinations against obfuscation

It’s time to evolve our vernacular.

I’ve always been a lover of words. Early doodles were letterforms and logotypes. I became an English minor in college.

A cleverly named brand, product, or service makes me happy. And a properly delivered witticism makes me ecstatic. We can pepper our speech like we place a garnish on a plated meal. This is content.

Sometimes I’ll choose a word so that it fits pleasingly into a text message, makes a paragraph flow more nicely, or makes a headline more readable. And because I’m a fan of haiku, sometimes it’s protocol. This is context.

It’s with the health of understanding each other and a desire for more clarity that I propose eliminating the following words and phrases:

1. Of course. Acceptably used with “matter,” as in “matter of course,” to convey this is the way things go. Acceptably used on its own as a shortened affirmation (e.g., “Are we going to the pool again this Friday?” “Of course”). However, when embedded in a sentence to convey something obvious to the speaker, it has the opposite of its desired effect (e.g., “This new version will be better, of course, than the last one”). Upshot: what’s obvious to you might not be obvious to others.
2. Also. Acceptably used when embedded in a sentence or to signify an addition (e.g., “I’d like to go to the pool this Friday, and also Tuesday”). However, when used at the beginning of a paragraph, or to start a new set of thoughts, it indicates that more long-term thinking should be done before speaking (e.g., “I love the new three-bedroom floorplan. Also, we’re going to need two more bedrooms”). Upshot: think, plan, and then speak.
3. Openly gay. This phrase makes me crave “openly straight” people, too. You’ve dealt with repression, come out of the closet, overcome any homophobia (even as a politician/athlete/public figure), and now you’re left with the label of “openly”? While its origin might be kind(er), and I’m in full support of openness and transparency, it still smacks of a heteronormative world, one that supposes we’ve no choice but to flaunt our sexual identities. Truth is: it’s irrelevant. Sorry GLAAD; I disagree with your advice to the media on this point.
4. Let you know. Instead, use “tell you.” Eliminate the passive voice; be direct. There’s a thread on my pal Margot’s blog about the soft voice.

Since “language is a virus from outer space,” as William S. Burroughs (pictured above) once penned, and we are its hosts, consider these suggestions a new vaccine.